One Month From Re-Entry: Mourning My Loss

We are five weeks out from re-entering back into the States. Next week we are traveling back to Lang City to start our goodbyes. And as I was thinking and processing through the people I wanted to talk to and exactly what say…and I started weeping, but not for the reason you would think.

And all I could think about were the people and life I would be leaving in America when we return full-time to Africa.

I thought about High School times and the people I poured my heart into at that time in my life. And wept because I wont ever get to live a lifetime along side them again.

I thought about our young-married friends and all the times and dreams we pursued together during and after college. And wept because upon our return to Africa, those dreams will officially die. How my heart longs to live a lifetime with them! We will still pursue the same goals with the same passions, just 1000s of miles in between us.

I thought about leaving America to make Africa “home” and wept.   How am I supposed to close the door to 24 years of life, to make a new life? How will my heart be able to handle closing the doors to SO MANY deep relationships, so I can open the doors for relationships in Africa? I don’t know how I’ll get through that—except with buckets of tears and honest, deep words expressed from my heart.

I thought about our families. And wept because our leaving will be hard for them. And I’ll have to live with missing more weddings, babies, graduations, and holidays.

At this stage of leaving Africa, I’m not too sad because I know I’m coming back and our return to Africa wont be for two or three more years, but my heart is already mourning the loss…because the loss will be great!!

This is a HARD call!!! But I am confident that The Prize is worth cost!! After my weeping slowed and I shared my thoughts with My Love, I was filled with peace.

And in that moment, I have never been more grateful for our “Blessed Assurance”! It eases my heart to know that even though I can’t live a lifetime with our dear friends and families, we WILL LIVE together FOREVER!!! That gives me peace and gusto to run this race with all I have to give to reach the finish line and celebrate with them in the after-race Party!!

One comment

  1. Oh Sis- this will be so hard, for all of us! BUT..the time we have while you were here will not be taken for granted! We just need to be sure to fill our love/memory buckets to where they’re overflowing before you all go back. And the next time you go over we get to come visit your new home and share new experiences there with all of you. I don’t want it to happen quickly, but it does put a new element of excitement for us!
    But for now I’m focusing on the time we get you here..I am beyond excited to hold you all again! Less than 3 weeks to go!!

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