All for LOVE

Entry Date: 01/11/2015

This is my 5th baby shower to miss! My 3rd sister to never see pregnant!!

I never got to touch their bellies, talk to the baby in their tummies, or feel the baby kick.

I wouldn’t trade this life in Africa to go back, but I’m quite tempted to consider in moments like this.

I am so thankful for the friends & family that are around them because I’m not.  But I envy them so deeply!! Often my the hurts of missing these times turns into petty anger.

Why do they get to & I don’t? Do they realize how lucky they are? THEY BETTER!!!! (angry growl)

I’ve gotten to Skype into the baby showers, and meet my nieces through FaceTime.  But the worst feeling in the world … is when we hang up. Especially at a shower, because every body else keeps visiting and enjoying MY sisters, MY family & friends, and MY niece/nephew!!!  And as soon as I press ‘End’…my heart gets ripped back to reality, and I am no longer part of their world.

I wish Skype never existed!! I wish I couldn’t be teased by this…in-complete reality that I can’t fully be a part of.  I do love seeing pictures on Facebook and being able to stay connected and up-to-date with people.  But my heart would hurt WAY less if Skype never existed!

I’ll get to meet my nieces & nephew when they are 7 months, 6 months, and 2 months old. I am so excited!!!! And yet I HATE the reality of it!

Why do I have to miss so much?…Why do I love people so much? Why do I treasure relationships and get filled with love from them?

If only I didn’t care so much!  If only I hated my family–it would be easier, right?


Relationships are everything!!! They make the most beautiful stories.  They fill us with so much joy & cause us the most heart ache.

It’s all for LOVE!!



  1. it is really hard to miss family and family events, I understand. We missed my husband’s sister’s wedding because years ago it was too expensive to fly home. We missed his grandma’s funeral and many other things too. Still as hard as it was, I wouldn’t change the time we had in Chile. Our children were born there and are richer for living there as I know you would agree. We didn’t have Skype, much computers advantages or even a phone for a long time so I’ve thought that would be so nice now. I see how hard it is by what you share though, thanks for the insight.

  2. I can’t imagine. I really can’t. My heart aches for you during these times of missing your family. I KNOW they miss you too!!! And until you are with them again, their hearts break as well.
    Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being so transparent. It helps me know how to lift you. Words are inadequate in times like these. But if I could hug you so tight right now– I WOULD !!!!

  3. And yet I can’t imagine you being there without those things. But I do get it..which is why I won’t say “goodbye” or be the one that “hangs up”. This is why every time we get off FT I have a good cry or keep myself busy because it hurts so much to see those beautiful faces go to a dark screen. And now that Bub doesn’t like saying goodby because he’s understanding…I get it, it hurts. But the other side is I get to see you all, get to hear your voices, hear the babies laugh and hear them say “Nonna” and “Papa”. I get to see your home and town, where you are living your life which is so different from here. Even when you just prop the computer open and let us watch them play..oh my heart is so grateful and full!
    True, I don’t get to hold them or smell their sweet heads but this will do for now. And tho I’m so very proud of you, I miss you all with a never ending ache bc you are my heart in so many ways!! I can’t wait to hug you all- and it’s coming soon!!! I love you all dearly!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *