Entry Date: 01/11/2015
This is my 5th baby shower to miss! My 3rd sister to never see pregnant!!
I never got to touch their bellies, talk to the baby in their tummies, or feel the baby kick.
I wouldn’t trade this life in Africa to go back, but I’m quite tempted to consider in moments like this.
I am so thankful for the friends & family that are around them because I’m not. But I envy them so deeply!! Often my the hurts of missing these times turns into petty anger.
Why do they get to & I don’t? Do they realize how lucky they are? THEY BETTER!!!! (angry growl)
I’ve gotten to Skype into the baby showers, and meet my nieces through FaceTime. But the worst feeling in the world … is when we hang up. Especially at a shower, because every body else keeps visiting and enjoying MY sisters, MY family & friends, and MY niece/nephew!!! And as soon as I press ‘End’…my heart gets ripped back to reality, and I am no longer part of their world.
I wish Skype never existed!! I wish I couldn’t be teased by this…in-complete reality that I can’t fully be a part of. I do love seeing pictures on Facebook and being able to stay connected and up-to-date with people. But my heart would hurt WAY less if Skype never existed!
I’ll get to meet my nieces & nephew when they are 7 months, 6 months, and 2 months old. I am so excited!!!! And yet I HATE the reality of it!
Why do I have to miss so much?…Why do I love people so much? Why do I treasure relationships and get filled with love from them?
If only I didn’t care so much! If only I hated my family–it would be easier, right?
Relationships are everything!!! They make the most beautiful stories. They fill us with so much joy & cause us the most heart ache.
It’s all for LOVE!!